


Lies To Children

by randomcheeses



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist
Genre: Gen, Gen Fic, Humor, Kid Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-10-14
Updated: 2010-10-14
Packaged: 2017-10-12 16:06:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 585
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/126669
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/randomcheeses/pseuds/randomcheeses
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Some questions don't have an answer.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lies To Children

"Daddy?"

Hohenheim looked down at his eldest son. "Yes Edward?"

"Daddy, where do babies come from?" the four-year-old asked curiously.

The oldest man in the world, last survivor of Xerxes and the man known in Xing as the Great Sage of the West considered his son's question carefully and then answered thusly:

"Cabbage patches."

Ed cocked his head to the side and regarded his father dubiously. "Really?"

"Yes," Hohenheim said firmly, looking around surreptitiously for his wife, who seemed to have magically vanished from the room, once again abandoning him to the terrible fate of Ed's Inquisitive Mood.

"Did you find Al is a cabbage patch?"

"Er. . .well. . . not exactly," Hohenheim stuttered, stalling for time. Where was Trisha, he wondered. She was much better at handling things like this.

" 'cos Al smells like turnips, not cabbages," Ed added.

Hohenheim blinked. "What?"

"Turnips," Ed repeated. "Why does Al smell like turnips?"

His father thought about this for a moment before selecting another suitable answer.

"So how about I make you a swing?"

"Was Al in the wrong patch?" Ed asked, refusing to be distracted. "Did he get lost? Were there other babies?"

"How about two swings?" Hohenheim said desperately. "And a tree-house!"

###

 _20 years later._

"Daddy?"

"Yeah kid?"

"How does the sun work?"

Ed hummed and cast a quick glance at said sun which was even now high in the sky and shining brightly down on his back garden. "Well, we're not really sure, seeing as there's no way to get a real close look, but Professor James Keefe of Central University theorised that it is a consistently burning mass of hydrogen, which provides light and heat to our planet and is a key factor in why life evolved here."

"Oh," four-year-old Hugh said. "Okay." He nodded to himself and wandered back over to his little sister who was industriously rolling a ball in a circle. "Hey Trisha," he yelled. "I want a go!"

"A flaming mass of hydrogen?" a voice behind Ed said, just after he'd leaned back and shut his eyes. "Really, Fullmetal?"

"Yep," Ed answered, not bothering to look round. "Hello Fuhrer Jerk, what are you doing here?"

"Visiting," Roy answered innocently. "I can't check up on old friends?"

" _You_ can't," Ed muttered. "I've told you before Mustang, I'm not taking that ambassadorial post. Find someone else."

Roy ignored this. "So," he asked, "do you always give complex scientific answers to questions posed by a four-year-old? You know he probably didn't understand most of it."

Ed shrugged. "So? Why not tell him the truth? Kid wanted to know. He's smart enough to understand most of it and whatever he doesn't understand now, he'll learn about later. I always hated grown-ups giving me ridiculous answers when I was a kid. It was obvious they were lying, and that really pissed me off."

"So you'll always give an exact explanation, huh?" Roy said.

"Yep," Ed replied, getting to his feet. "Always. Hey, keep an eye on the kid, will you? I gotta use the can."

"Of course," Roy agreed. He watched Ed make his way into the house and then turned to little Hugh. "Hey kiddo, c'mere. I know a really good question to ask your Dad."

Hugh beamed and ran over to his favourite adopted uncle. "Really?"

"Oh, you bet."

###

 _Half an hour later._

"Daddy, how are babies made?"

Ed's jaw dropped in shock, but years of experience in answering questions straight out and truthfully rushed to his aid. He didn't hesitate.

"Cabbage patches."


End file.
